Saturday, May 20, 2023

Bayer Cars in May 2023

約一名の毒者様のために、この記事作っております。
ついでで写真撮ってるから、全然気合いが入っていません(笑)

木曜日のランチタイム、ひまわり亭で担々麺と餃子をやっつけた後、日系のスーパー摺木へ向かいました。

すると・・・

3番街に路上駐車しているたくさんの扇風機マーク… おや?鼻の中に飴玉突っ込んだ奴がいる。
豚型(SUVとも言う)の豚鼻です。とりあえず便所の下水管色じゃないのは安心できます。

シアン・ブルー・レッドの三色はイバリ炸裂したい、イタイ配色です。豚型なのに…。
裏に回って型番を確認したら… バツニ でした。(ピラーにまで扇風機が付いてる…イタすぎね?)

まぁ、カリフォルニアでは一度離婚して一人前ですから、バツニは普通。

でも、なんだかこのバツ・シリーズがどんどん増えてるよね。昔はバツ3とバツ5くらいだったのに。

余談ですが… 某ゲーム屋のIT部にはガチでバツ4のオヤジがいました。息を吐くように女好きなのが漏れているおじさんで、女子社員は彼のブースの前を通ると目で犯されると言って、露骨に嫌がっていました。

さらに歩くと、数台先には…(ちなみに、ちゃんと撮った順に掲載しています)
怒った白眉の人が…。ね? みんなナンバープレート付けてないでしょ?
後ろ隣の電気自動車もプレート付けるのサボってるよね…。

このメーカーの少し前の5シリーズあたりだかに、うちの猫の目ソックリなのもいました。
この、ジェリーくんの目みたいにまん丸なヘッドライト。
我が家では、道ですれ違ったら「ジェリー♪」と呼んでいました。

さて… この白眉の頑固爺みたいな人相のクルマは、5シリーズでした。
530iだって。最近あんまり見かけなくなってきましたが…
今度はあの巨大豚鼻に切り替わっていくんでしょうか?
個人的には、あのバカデカ鼻はゼッタイに売れないと思う。
買う人の気が知れない。あんなの恥ずかしくて道を走れない。

さらにその先には… 今度はバツイチです!!(儂が映り込んでるけど面倒だから消してません。無視して)
おまえに言われたくないと言い返されるだろうけど、洗車してないよね…。

なにしろバツイチだからね…。

前から撮ったら、こんなでした。ブルーメタリックは好き。便所配管色の設定は似合わない。
小さくなっても、豚型豚鼻。ちっこくなると、相対的に鼻がデカくね?
あと…このエンジンフードの、先っぽの加工が大変そう…。

そして、さらに2台先には… ものすごい変な2色塗りの扇風機が!?
これは電気自動車ですね…。i3って、こんなにちっこかったっけ?

「高速道路の有料レーンをタダで走って桶」の鍵型ステッカーが2枚も張ってあるのがイタ過ぎます。

写真をブログ用に縮小しちゃったから目立たないけど、この電気自動車も埃だらけでした。
やはり、こんな小さなクルマは「下駄」なので、愛着はいっさい湧かないのだと思われます。

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そして、翌日の金曜日。記事公開予定の前日の朝ですが…

スーパーでミルクとバナナ買って、日系スーパーでハンバーグ弁当と明太子のおにぎりを買った帰り道。

また巨大豚鼻がいた!! 今度はGみたいな色!!
しかも、今度こそ電気で走るやつ。やっぱりプレート取り付ける場所が無いよね…。

見分け方を岡山の先生に教わったばかりなので、すぐに判りました。
大きな豚鼻の網目は、ぢつわニセモノで、内部に通じているわけではないこと。

そして… というロゴが鼻の中に。…なんか、鼻毛の先に鼻くそぶら下げてるみたいで、マヌケ♪

お尻を見て確認しましょう。
ほら、i4という電動でした。

i3とi4を見て気づきました。扇風機ロゴマークの周りにまで青い輪が… 
BlueEFFICIENCY という事でしょうか?www

なんで5シリーズの体格でi4なのかは謎です。i3は明太子のおにぎりみたいなのに。
(きっと昨日、真ん中に海苔貼った明太子色のi3を見たせいでおにぎり買ったんだ!)

で… この2車種の中間の大きさのクルマを作ったらどうすんだろ? …i3.5 ?

さらに1ガロンの牛乳を背負って帰る途中で… また便所の配管色の扇風機を発見!
豚鼻は鼻くそまみれで真っ黒です。
でも、違和感が無いように黒地に黄色のプレートを選んだのは少し褒めてやりましょう。

この豚鼻扇風機は、330iでした。
電気自動車が増えてきたら…
もう、このナンバーシリーズでの車種の見分け方が、わやや。←うろ覚えの西日本語

写真を撮り終えて道を曲がったら… またいた!?
同じクルマがついてきて先回りして待っていたかと思うくらいに、特徴的な便所の配管色です。

この色、扇風機屋さんは推しているんでしょうか… 謎です。

こっちの灰色さんは、M550iでした。MとXは鼻に飴玉突っ込んでるとは限らないんですね。
もう、MとかアルピナとかAMGとかマイバックとか、いろいろ派生させないで欲しい。

・・・それ言い出したらレクサスも成り立たないけど。(笑)

で… 道端に置いてある灰色の感じが、なんだか馴染みがあると思っていたら、帰宅して判りました。
我が家のゴミ箱(汎用ゴミ)と同じ色でした!!
ちなみに、青いゴミ箱がリサイクル用。

すごい。2日連続で買い物に出かけただけで、記事一本分の写真が稼げた!(爆)

さらに3日目も!!
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【記事後悔後追記ここから】記事公開は 8:00 PDT、追記は11:00 PDT。

 土曜日の朝。たったさっき撮れ撮れの写真です♪

 日系スーパーから家人の所望した鰻丼と、自分用の明太子おにぎり、UCCコーヒーを買って帰る時…

 今日は扇風機が少ないな。土日は出現率が低いのかな?…と思ったら、駅前の充電場にいました!
車種マークを見るとi4ですが… 右のほうに M50 って書いてあります。

・・・排気量 50cc?www

正面に回り込むと… 色は下水管に似ているけど、ちょっとブルーっぽくてビミョー。
で… 鼻毛の先の鼻くそが、飴玉突っ込んだようにカラフルになっています。

iマークの代わりにMマークが貼り付けてある。・・・もうわやや!!
 これって電動だからiで、スポーツカーだからMってこと??

 つまり、全部入り?

 『かき揚げ月見天麩羅うどんのちくわ載せ』みたいな…。←こういう場合は蕎麦ではなく、うどんw
 もう、好きにしてください。おじいさんは付いていけません。

【記事後悔後追記ここまで】
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それにしても、改めて感心したのは、以下の2点でした。

 1.サンマテオのダウンタウンって、扇風機が多すぎ!!
   22台分の駐車スペースに6台もいる(←数えたw)のって、大杉! 

 2.扇風機屋のデザイン、カッコイイのとヘンテコなのが極端過ぎ!!
   サンマでブスばっかり見ているので、岡山で補正かけたいです。

これでいいでしょうか? >岡山のせんせい

5 comments:

  1. I appreciate your effort in creating this well-crafted article, even though it is intended for just about one reader who must be I. You humbly say that "I didn't put much effort into it," but from an amateur's perspective, it is an exquisite piece.

    Hmm, it seems there are many BMWs running around in your neighborhood. I am a "bimmer" myself, but I'm not very familiar with SUVs. However, if I dare to comment, these three colors—cyan, blue, and red—don't seem to be the BMW’s formal option. That's because the three-color grille is exclusive to the M Sport series, and if it were an M Sport model, there should be an "M" logo behind the front tires.
    Moreover, it seems that the X2 itself has been removed from the catalog list in the United States for some reason. The X series used to include X1 to X7, but only the X2 is missing. In Japan, the X2 has not been removed yet.
    As you mentioned, perhaps in California, if a man want to be considered a fully-fledged individual after a divorce, being on his second marriage is considered inadequate, right? Is it necessary to go for the top-tier X7 to truly show off? (lol)

    By the way, you mentioned that your previous job had a guy with four ex-wives. That's quite rare in Japan. If he had to pay alimony to his ex-wives every time he got divorced, wouldn't he be practically bankrupt by the fourth divorce?

    The 530i has also been removed from the Japanese catalog already. For the 5 Series gasoline cars, only the 523i M Sport, M550i xDrive, and M5 remain. Gasoline cars are becoming less popular. But in the United States, the 530i, 540i, M550i xDrive, and M5 are still available. Does that mean there is still demand for gasoline cars in the United States?

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    Replies
    1. Yamada Denki sensei,

      On this article, I carefully chose weird ones from those pig nosed Bayer cars… white, silver and black X3s and X5s are everywhere so I ignored those common models. I think BMWs are more common than Mercedes in San Mateo. Tesla is getting larger shares but BMW is doing good. If you visit San Mateo, we can walk around downtown in luch beak so you can see tens of hundreds of these cars easy.

      I have no idea about “M” crowned models as well as “I” electric cars either… so I didn’t know X2 is now missing from US? We still have tons of X1, X3 and X5. I don’t see X4 so often and X7 is… like Lexus LX or GLS by Mercedes? – I might see once in this week, a large SUV, looks 3 passenger rows with piggy nose.
      The IT manager who divorced multiple times, he was proud of those divorces… and kept watching young girls in the office. I asked him if he needs certain service to be ‘refreshed,’ but my offer was immediately rejected. And he was financially fine. Probably he secured some assets for his future because he learned a lot. (lol)

      In terms of the fuel, what I found is very few diesel cars in US or in California because of the price of diesel fuel – it’s not cheap, or less affordable to gasoline. And we have nice warm weather here in California, we don’t have snow, we don’t need torque but power. Therefore, people love gasoline engines, but now electric motor equipped cars are faster than gasoline, and the fuel economy is better. Initial cost is much higher but average income of San Mateo County is over $200K, so lots of people are wealthy enough to buy Tesla cars for the second car. Probably their first cars are Porsche or Mercedes, sometimes BMW.

      Delete
  2. If future BMW cars transition to huge grilles, I would be concerned. Personally, I don't think those overly large grilles would sell well, and I can't understand the mindset of those who would buy them. I find them embarrassing and wouldn't feel comfortable driving on the road with such a design.
    However, looking at Audi or Lexus, for example, it seems that there is a consumer segment that appreciates the trend of slim headlights and massive grilles in the world of premium cars. Perhaps BMW feels compelled to follow suit.

    Regarding the unwashed grille of the X1 you mentioned, unlike the aforementioned X2, did you notice that it doesn't have the open sections that should be there? It looks like a dummy and feels unfamiliar in terms of design. In traditional cars, the grille at the front of the vehicle had slats and was open to allow airflow into the engine compartment. However, recently, there has been an increase in cars with grille shutters that can open and close.

    The mechanism of this grille shutter involves having the grille itself act as the shutter, capable of opening and closing. It can be observed that BMW considers it an important technology, starting with the 7 Series I previously owned, then implementing it in the 5 Series and 3 Series. It is referred to as "Active Air Stream," and despite the grille itself being enlarged, the usual open sections are absent. Personally, I find it still looks like a dummy and don't particularly appreciate it from a design standpoint. I prefer the original open design.

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    Replies
    1. Yamada Denki sensei,

      I am simply wondering the Cd, air resistance, of those huge piggy noses… I don’t think it has any merit to have those icons. That was why the supercar M1 had so tiny pig-nose on the top. I was so impressed BMW didn’t give up the pig nose even such aero-shaped, sleek looking sports car. Those huge piggy noses will give worse Cd than M1’s retracted head lights for sure. (lol)

      The 100 series Shinkansen eyes (or you claim Ikoyan’s eyes) inspired car firstly introduced in the States was; Jeep Cherokee. I was shocked and worried if it does really make the dark street blight enough… but that is the current trend. Most of new models, whoever the manufacturer is, have slit-like head beams, and those are unexpectedly blight enough. But if… a certain BMW model got those Ikoyan eyes with huge piggy nose, I don’t want to encounter such car anywhere on the street.

      The grille under the engine hood is not necessary for electric cars because there are no radiators. That’s why Tesla has ugly flat nose… that is another weird design too. But I didn’t know the grille can open and close…
      Oh, talking about ‘under the engine hood,’ about a month ago, our Kin-san, Lexus RX, didn’t start because the battery was out. I was so screwed up and thought “There is a huge battery under the floor!” …but I was wrong. Under the engine hood, there is a small battery – about half size of regular cars – is sitting there for kick start the engine… Now I don’t trust hybrid. (lol)

      Active Air Stream… Even I don’t drive these days, I personally prefer no opening of grille so that under the engine hood can be less dusty, nice and clean – if it’s an electrified car.
      I LOVE electric cars because those are so quiet, very easily hit grandpas and grandmas on the street. You can sneakily approach to the target and Boom! Just hit ‘em!! (Sorry… I was in a game industry too long. I might need a therapy)

      Delete
  3. I'm somewhat surprised that you're familiar with the BMW M1, a supercar, originating from expectations of success in motorsports in the 1970s. The body design was commissioned to Italdesign, led by Giorgetto Giugiaro, who incorporated the front design of the BMW Turbo (which you pointed out, had a tiny pig nose on its top). This car, featuring a mid-ship-mounted straight-four turbo, was manufactured for the opening of the BMW Munich Museum in 1972.

    What comes to mind when you think of BMW design? They have a broad lineup, including sedans, coupes, and SUVs, but isn't it a design that you can identify as a BMW at a glance, even without the BMW logo? There are five traditional BMW designs:

    "Kidney Grill"
    "Hofmeister Kink"
    "Press Line"
    "Round Quad Headlights"
    "L-shaped Tail Lights"

    I also wonder if there's a need to install the kidney grill even on electric vehicles. However, that grill is the lifeline of BMW design, so perhaps it couldn't be removed even for the M1. The retractable lights used in the M1 are not included in the aforementioned five elements and aren't adopted in the current 8 Series which took you on a ride yesterday, but they were adopted in the first generation 8 Series (E31). This shows that the 8 Series is indeed a monumental series for BMW, drawing from the lineage of the M1.

    ReplyDelete